Typical

“You are born and then you die, but in between you can do anything you want. It’s society that creates rules for us, but you can break out of that.” - Unknown

           

            We live in a country that seems to provide stepping stones for us. Step by step they lead us to a designated path we’re practically required to follow. And carefully, we step from stone to stone barely questioning our intentions – or the world’s. And eventually, more than likely if you abide by the rules, you’ll make it to that path – and then finally ask what the hell you’re doing there. I’m not talking about some grand divine path; this is not a religious subject. I’m talking about going to school until your eighteen so that you can go to another school for another four to eight years after so that you can land some prestigious job that you’re destined to love. Then you’ll get married to someone likely for their money or because you’re getting old and it’s about time you marry off. Then of course you have kids and you shove them into repeating the same cycle as you. And not a lot of people ever like it, but it’s a norm, and few seem to take initiative to break out of it.

We’re introduced to this at such a young age. Grade nines have to fill out pages on what job they want in their future and where they want to go to University. By the time you’re in grade twelve your first semester U class is teachers constantly reminding you that since this is a U class “I’m assuming you are all going to University”, though that’s not always the case. We are thrown into this design that we are expected to take part in, even if we don’t want to. There was a quote in One Tree Hill that said, “One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” I feel like that’s how we get sucked into following these stepping stones. We spend so much time imagining our lives but we don’t do anything about it, and so inevitably we proceed to go with the flow or the norm. Ultimately, don’t follow what society has planned if it doesn’t interest you, it’s not the only plan out there.

 

Definitions

 I spent so much time thinking people can be summed up in a matter of words.. Because that’s what we like to believe, right? That we can describe a person using some extravagant wording and everybody will be able to understand. It seems almost easy when you’re trying to describe those around you – it seems possible. But after a while when I couldn’t find a selection of vocabulary that I could use to explain myself I figured I was a lost cause. - I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be. But what I’ve learned is this: people can’t be explained in several complex words. People, are unexplainable - they’re too much to narrow down into something so specific and rather insignificant. You could write a novel on a single person and still not fully understand them. You just can’t narrow people down we’re way too overly complex for that. I guess it’s a matter of finding and picking apart the sentences that create your novel, and knowing that no matter what you’ll have a few blank pages. You may be able to sum up parts of people, or parts of yourself, but you’ll never be able to sum up the full thing. Some things will just continue to remain unexplained and misunderstood. But in a sense that’s a good thing. We shouldn’t want to be able to be explained so easily. We should want to be difficult and unique and confusing.
The fact is that we are not fully explainable; we don’t and never will carry our definitions in our back pockets.

Saved

“But eventually you learn that you just can’t save anyone no matter how hard you try. People have to want to change, they have to want to do better, and to be better. All you can do is love people and pray for them and be present when they need you. But you can’t save them; at the end of the day, we all have to save ourselves.” – Kovie Biakolo

                This quote by Kovie Biakolo is one that I have found to ring quite true to our lives. Often times we like to think that in a sense we can save people. For instance, there’s always been that cliché that the good girl goes for the bad boy because she secretly wants to be the one to tame him. The girl always learns that that’s not always possible unless it’s on the set of a Hollywood movie. Maybe we focus so hard on the rescue of other people because we can’t seem to figure out how we’re suppose to rescue ourselves. But ultimately, what it all boils down to, is we just can’t save people. We can help them, we can suggest methods of change and growth, but eventually it all comes down to whether or not the other person wants to be saved, and if they’ll but in the effort to get themselves there. If people are going through a severe downhill rough patch this is not to say you should abandon them – it has nothing to do with that. But essentially when people hit rock bottom you can try to pick them up but unless they’re willing to put their feet down and stand they’re not going anywhere. It’s a nice thought, to think we can be responsible for picking up other people, and we can certainly play a significant role, but we’re not in charge. It all comes down to do you, or don’t you want to be saved when you’re in a rut, and will you be willing not to rely on other people to do the saving.

Money Can ('t) Buy Happiness

        “Money can’t buy happiness”. Oh yes, it certainly can. But don’t run out and buy a new car or new phone and so on. That happiness disappears faster than it lasts especially considering the better model will be out in a couple months and you might want that too. Spoiling yourself with materialistic items to provide happiness has a shelf life, just like all your purchases. Eventually the happiness dissipates and you want more or new. Products cease to be able to provide long term satisfaction – they’re not built that way. However, according to TedTalks, there is another way to “buy happiness”. And apparently this one works. Essentially spending money on others is an act that is internally quite rewarding. I don’t doubt it. Whether that happiness is derived from doing something you don’t normally do, a confidence boost, or because you know you made someone’s day – it’s there. For some reason it’s just difficult to reach that happiness – in other words, money is important to us, and spending it on others is a stretch at best. Money is fragile since so much of our lives seem to depend solely on how much we have and how we spend it. The suggestion is not to go broke off buying things for other people – you may not receive as much satisfaction from that – or maybe you will, who knows. The suggestion is to make more of a gesture of kindness towards others and you can use you money. Whether you’re spending on yourself or others moderation must be taken into careful consideration. Essentially, money can buy happiness, but you won’t be receiving things in the process. 

Instantaneous

“What is an instant death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air or blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is an instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous.” –John Green Looking for Alaska

                So many things in this world we describe as “instant”. It never is though, is it? An epi-pen is suppose to instantly take away an allergic reaction but believe me it doesn’t work like that one bit. Our world is so fast paced that I think we crave instantaneous things. Whatever works fast, whatever won’t hold us up, is what we want. But we’re moving faster than the world itself and it can’t keep up. We want instant but the world is taking its own sweet time and begging us to slow down and experience moments. And I know we will never be able to enjoy the feeling of a car crash or an allergic reaction, we want those things to be instantly gone but you can’t slow down the good and speed up the bad, you have to have both at the same speed. However, waiting for instantaneous medicine to kick in is particularly humbling. Ultimately, I think we need to slow down; the only things that happen in an instant are the good stuff, the stuff that we’re moving too fast to take notice of. Other than that, instantaneous doesn’t exist: it’s a lie that we like to hear so that we can rest assured our daily lives can remain at high speed. But it shouldn’t exist either. We shouldn’t want the world to move as fast as we do – we’re only here once. Every moment that passes is another one that will never return. We want instant so bad as if we’re in a race and that’s the only thing that will speed us up, but what are we racing towards? Death? We should not want instant to exist – it’s too fast.

Stronger Than Gravity

          I’ve been told that high school friends never last, as if gravity itself pushes the relationship apart until it’s too far for either to connect. I’ve heard that it just happens; people change and you move along and suddenly they’ve disappeared. But I don’t think gravity’s to blame. I don’t think it’s a secret force or a matter of a change of pace in one’s life. I think it’s a decision and though one may never acknowledge the choice they made, they made one in the back of their mind when they decided to let it go.

                We’re nearing the end of senior year so I suppose this fits the current season. We’re all choosing a different path next fall, some of us will stay in town, some of us will leave whether that’s near or far. It’s inevitable that life will change dramatically come September if not sooner. I think at this point we’ve all realized and slowly begun to accept the fact that many of us are beginning to pursue different dreams and many of us will begin to drift apart. It’s a sad reality, but it’s reality.

                However, this is what I’ve learned when it comes to friendships:
There are a million and one forces that can pull them apart, everything from disagreements that lead to fights and the coming September after senior year. There are also some cases where maybe friendships just aren’t meant to last and you accept that and let them go but many times we like to believe there were circumstantial reasons. And yes, those circumstances may sever a friendship completely which would mean they would be to blame. That’s partially true. I also learned, that no matter what circumstances shatter a friendship you have the power to fix them, but only if you want to. So if September tears the friendship apart then shame on September. But if it was really worth it, then shame on you for not holding it together.